February 2012
15 posts
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My phone autocorrected “mail” to “email”. Sign of the times if I ever saw one.
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I’ve always been impressed by the Flintstones for having their own cereal. Not many celebrities do.
Who decided that butt should have two Ts?
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Dear Officer,
It’s not my fault I was driving so poorly. It’s impossible to dance to this new Kelly Clarkson jam without using both hands.
Sorry!
AA
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Why do beds have to be at their most comfortable when it’s time to wake up? They should sync with your alarm to make you want to get out. Science, get on that.
Today's Date is a Palindrome...
bestrooftalkever:
2.15.12
I feel like a genius for this discovery.
I’m gonna be a star! I’m gonna be famous!
I’m in the new Dr. Suess Lorax movie! Look!!
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I’ve been reading Shalom Auslander’s...
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WatchWasn’t the summer of 2nd floor shopping cart pusher enough for this city??
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Ben from The Bachelor totally looks like…
Francine from Arthur
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NB-yAyy Puns!!
Last night my friend texted me that he was at the Knicks game. The following punful conversation is what ensued.
JD: I’m at the Knicks game.
AA: Boo Detroit. Yay Fields! Or as I like to say, Landreamy Fields
JD: Fields of dreams
AA: Oh the things I pLandry on doing to him.
JD: That’s Amar’e.
AA: You’re so Carmelodramatic.
JD: I’d have Landry’s kids...
January 2012
18 posts
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The word ‘picky’ is counterintuitive. It seems to imply that someone who is picky would pick a lot. Like they’re pick-happy, but in fact picky people rarely end up picking anything because they’re so picky.
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There’s nothing like scaffolding on a rainy day.
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Obscure Celebrity Action Figures
Cheech Marin edition
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Apparently Paula Deen has an action figure. Who knew?
*Note: This is NOT actually a Paula Deen product.
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What does it say about me that I more often recognize my neighbors by their dogs than by their own features?
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When parents dress their children identically, it’s not cute- it’s just lazy.
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When Parents Email
Today I got this email (more like subject line as there was no other message) from my mother.
I panicked and desperately tried to figure out what I could have done that was so awful.
Then I got this.
Ohhhhhhhhhh.
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Watch
Here is a video written by Patrick Cassels and starring Sarah Natochenny that purports to correct the Alanis Morrisette song such that each example is ACTUALLY ironic.
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The Joy of Quiet →
Trying to escape the constant stream of too much information.
Granted I read this NYT article online, but still. I believe in it.
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December 2011
26 posts
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Nothing thrills me quite like watching a yellow cab put its flashing lights on to reveal that (aha!) it was really an undercover cop car the whole time.
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I don’t appreciate having to worry that my book is going to run out of battery.
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What is so exciting about seeing someone you know driving on the road? Like you could leave a party at the same time as a bunch of people who live near you, and remember- you’ve just spent the past few hours with them- but nonetheless, once you see them driving in their cars while you’re in yours, it’s always surprising and thrilling for some reason. Look!!! There’s Bob!!...
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Understanding Brain Waves
fakescience:
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It's the Little Things
Can an internet movie database have a sense of humor?
Given that it ordinarily uses 10 stars to rate its movies, I would have to say yes.
Nigel Tufnel: [pause] These go to eleven.
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“Children have never been very good at listening to their elders, but they have...”
– James A. Baldwin
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Toilets and Transportation
This is an actual conversation I just had with an MTA bus driver.
Me: Is there a 7 coming soon?
Bus Driver: He's in the bathroom.
Me: Excuse me?
Bus Driver: He's in the bathroom. Should have been here already but he had to go to the bathroom.
Me: So...is he going to be a while?
Bus Driver: I don't know. That's the problem with these routes. They clump them all close together and then when you have to go to the bathroom, it screws everything up. Might as well come with me. I'll get you there before he will now.
Who knew?
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On blistery and freezing days like today, I really resent bank robbers for stigmatizing ski masks.
