January 2009
11 posts
Dance, Dance Evolution
My niece loves dancing. She’s a baby and can’t even walk, but when music comes on she inherently starts grooving. And granted MY niece is genius, but apparently all babies do it. Even the dumb ones. Which makes sense if you think about it. I mean we are born only with those traits that have arisen through evolution as necessary for survival. And these days, if you can’t make it...
Mitch Hedberg
I’ve recently become somewhat obsessed with Mitch Hedberg’s stand-up comedy. I’ve been told it’s because it’s exactly my type of humor. Only his is funny. A big part of it is his delivery so you might not completely appreciate it if you’ve never heard him perform. However, for your delight, I am posting some of his lines that get me every time. Don’t...
Completely Useless Things
- headbands for newborn baby girls
- belly buttons (especially outies)
- the reminder before movies advising the audience not to talk during the showing
- shortsleeve turtlenecks
- any advice from infomercials
- flavored decongestant
-Paris Hilton
- DH
No-ing to Nodding
I don’t understand nodders. You know those people that sit in lecture and nod their heads to every point the professor makes? The ones so into it youre waiting for them to suddenly scream out a zealous ‘AMEN, Hallelujah!’ It really grinds my gears. No ones’s looking for their approval. No one cares if they understand or not. Especially those of us that have no idea what...
Oedipus’ mom, Jocasta, was the original MILF.
I walked by a flower shop today that had a sign in its window that read: HUGE ORCHID SALE. Unfortunately, when I walked in, I couldn’t find one huge orchid. Damn, they must have sold out fast!
Where does the Q in Q-tip come from? Such a random name for an item so simple and un-Q-like.
Real Question
I never understood the phrase ‘it’s all downhill from here’. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Does it mean that from here on in everything is easy, or from here on in everything’s going down to the dumps?
The Presidential Inauguration is in a week. All the news channels keep mentioning how unprecedented the event will be. Ironic because I’m pretty sure it’s the opposite of un-presidenting.
I find that unless I’m focusing on an object ahead of me, I get extremely distracted while driving. That’s why whenever I can, I drive behind one of those cars with TV screens in the backseat.
I was driving behind a car today that had one of those magnets on its trunk. The kind that supports its school team. This one was in the shape of a football helmet rooting for the Bergen Catholic Crusaders. Something about it made me uneasy. Like, really? Crusaders? Is that so politically correct? I mean at this rate, in 300 years, spaceships (or whatever people will drive daily in the future)...